First the Thunder by Randall Silvis

Author:Randall Silvis [Silvis, Randall]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781503905481
Publisher: Thomas & Mercer
Published: 2018-11-05T16:00:00+00:00

35

When Will walked upstairs after closing the bar for the night, his legs felt like water-soaked logs, nearly too heavy to lift from one step to the next. The stranger’s words continued to weigh on him. Was the stranger suggesting that Will was capable of less than he imagined, or more than he imagined? Was he merely confirming what Will had been taught to suspect, that he lacked the wits and gumption to ever rise above his own mediocrity?

Harvey had always been the bold one, the risk-taker. He was no smarter than Will but fearless, the kind of man who, had their circumstances been different, had they come across a mentor as boys, just one caring, attentive guide, might have excelled as a professional athlete, a businessman with a string of car dealerships, maybe even as an actor in action movies like Lethal Weapon or Fast & Furious. He would have made a great Jack Reacher, a thousand times better than Tom Cruise, who in real life would have a hard time punching out an inflatable clown.

Even Stevie, who had grown up more or less on his own, seemed to have greater resources than Will. Like Will he flew under everybody’s radar, but like Harvey he was unconcerned with living what others thought of as a normal life. He lived as he pleased, and had a knack for making a lot out of a little. Did he lust for a house like Harvey’s or Kenny’s? Did he lie in bed at night and dream about making a hundred grand a year? At most times Stevie seemed perfectly content with a beer and a slice of pizza, especially when they were free.

Will could never live so nonchalantly. He was the practical one, the fair and reasonable one. If somebody bought him a beer, he would insist, absolutely insist, on buying the next round.

The truth, Will told himself, is that Harvey and Stevie make their own decisions. You just react. A guy says, “Buy a bar,” and you buy a bar. A pretty woman walks up to you at the community picnic and says, “Hey there, good-lookin’,” and you marry her. Every important decision you’ve ever made really hasn’t been a decision at all, but a reaction to somebody else’s decision.

And now, considering all this as he removed his shoes just inside the apartment and then quietly closed the door behind him, he realized that what he had previously thought of as virtues were, in fact, liabilities—facets of his personality that had always held him back. Only men as fearless and aggressive as Harvey thrived. Only men as adaptable and carefree as Stevie enjoyed more than fleeting moments of happiness.

They were, all three, men of the same blood. Will must have possessed, somewhere deep inside, the same possibilities. Why couldn’t he too be bold and carefree? Maybe he was nobody’s genius, but what difference did that make? The world was full of successful, happy men of average intelligence. All Will had to do was call up the potential that lay sleeping inside him.

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